


Truth or Dare

by xo_marauders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Panic Attack, Remus Lupin is a Good Boyfriend, Sad Sirius Black, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:54:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24792670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xo_marauders/pseuds/xo_marauders
Summary: Sirius had the distinct feeling that the only reason all his friends were sitting in a circle in the middle of the Gryffindor common room at one in the morning playing silly muggle party games was for his sake. Some plan James had come up with in a desperate attempt to cheer him up. It wasn’t working. The only reason Sirius himself was even still sitting there rather than going off to sulk in the dorm was because he did not want to have to explain himself or his depressive mood to the whole group. James, Peter and Remus of course knew the reason behind Sirius’ glum mood, but they had kept it properly under wraps at his request. Sirius definitely didn’t want everyone to know what had happened this summer, how his parents had thrown him out onto the streets, barely breathing. He didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes or for them to look at him as weak or pathetic or anything of the sort. He didn’t want them to know how torn up he really was about it.* * * *or, Sirius gets roped into a game of truth or dare that he is rather hesitant to play
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter (implied), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 231





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw: implied/referenced child abuse and slight panic attack. take care of yourselves

Sirius had the distinct feeling that the only reason all his friends were sitting in a circle in the middle of the Gryffindor common room at one in the morning playing silly muggle party games was for his sake. Some plan James had come up with in a desperate attempt to cheer him up. It wasn’t working. The only reason Sirius himself was even still sitting there rather than going off to sulk in the dorm was because he did not want to have to explain himself or his depressive mood to the whole group. James, Peter and Remus of course knew the reason behind Sirius’ glum mood, but they had kept it properly under wraps at his request. Sirius definitely didn’t want everyone to know what had happened this summer, how his parents had thrown him out onto the streets, barely breathing. He didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes or for them to look at him as weak or pathetic or anything of the sort. He didn’t want them to know how torn up he really was about it.

That last little admittance he had kept to himself, even keeping it from his fellow marauders. He felt almost ashamed to be so upset over losing a family that was so cruel to him all his life. He should be happy, shouldn’t he? That he was finally free of them? So why did it hurt so much?

“Let’s play truth or dare.” Marlene piped up, pulling Sirius out his own mind and back to earth. No one in the circle seemed to his notice his momentary lapse in attention and for that he was grateful.

“Truth or dare?” James asked, bewildered but excited.

“It’s really fun.” Lily said, smiling at him more fondly than she ever had in the past, “You’ll love it.”

The game seemed simple enough and most everyone in the group knew how to play with the exceptions of James, Frank and Sirius himself, the three of them having grown up in the magical world exclusively, and—at least in Sirius’ case—never interacting with muggles. Peter volunteered to go first, eager to impress Mary, who blushed profusely when Peter chose to answer a truth of who the prettiest girl in the room was.

“Mary!” He said, a bit too loudly and he flushed with embarrassment. Mary wasn’t fussed at all, though, and offered him a grin.

“Thank you, that’s very kind.”

Peter then chose James to pick between truth or dare, and, unsurprisingly he chose dare.

“I dare you to eat a whole box of Bertie Botts every flavor bean all at once!”

It was a pretty tame dare, but James took it very seriously. After Peter returned from the dorm with a package in his hand, James opened it immediately and with a wink at Lily, dumped the whole of its contents into his mouth. The reaction was almost instantaneous. James screwed up his face in displeasure and hastened to chew as quickly as he could. The group laughed and even Sirius found himself smirking slightly at the absurd gestures James was making.

“Ugh!” He exclaimed after swallowing. “That was awful! Vomit and candy floss do _not_ go together!”

The next few rounds consisted of Dorcas (who had snuck out of Ravenclaw tower along with Emmeline Vance to join the group) being dared to sing the school song backwards, Alice admitting that it was actually her that had hexed Rosier last week in charms class that James had gotten detention for, Frank turning his hair purple for the rest of the evening and Emmeline confessing to kissing Fabian Prewett behind the Quidditch stands after hours.

“Sirius,” Emmeline said, as soon as the group had regained their composure after learning about her nightly affairs, “truth or dare?”

If it was being honest, Sirius did not like either of those options. For one, he didn’t really feel like doing anything “daring” or even silly like he probably would have in the past. His heart just wasn’t in it. But taking a truth instead could also be risky depending on the question.

“Uh, truth, I guess.”

There were a few surprised looks thrown at him from some in the group who had assumed he’d be like James and jump on the idea of performing a dare, but they didn’t say anything. Emmeline, with a slight look of disappointment on her face, thought for a moment before finally speaking again.

“What is the worst sort of hex or spell you’ve been on the receiving end of?”

Sirius went pale. He knew the answer, of course he did. It sent shivers and aches up his spine just thinking about it, but he couldn’t just say it. He couldn’t tell them that the cruciatus curse was the worst possible thing he had ever experienced in his entire life and that he received it from non-other than his dear old mum. But nothing else was coming to mind. All he could hear in his mind was his mother screeching _“crucio, crucio, crucio!”_

“Uh,”

“C’mon,” said Emmeline a bit impatiently. “You must’ve had _something_ nasty thrown at you what with all the Slytherins you’ve dueled with.”

“Emme,” Lily said reproachfully, seeming to notice the clammy expression on Sirius’ face.

He wanted to run, to hide, to fucking disappear. His heart was racing faster and faster with each passing second. _They’re going to know_ , he thought. _They’re going to know that something happened, that something is fucking wrong with you. Why can’t you just forget about it? Why can’t you just make something up? Shout another fucking curse you stupid—_

“Sirius has never been on the receiving end of a hex now has he?”

A voice from right beside Sirius spoke up. Remus, who had been quiet most the night aside from a few snickers and playful comments, was staring directly at Emmeline, an impassive look on his face. She seemed taken aback a moment and turned a bright shade of red.

“Oh,” She said weakly and with a hint of disbelief, “well then, I’ll ask something else.”

“Actually, I think it’s getting a bit late. We should probably turn in for the night.” Remus said and there was murmur of agreement coming from the group. There was tension in the air and Sirius still felt as though he were about to collapse in on himself, but when Remus helped him to his feet he hastily obliged and practically ran up to the dormitory without saying goodnight to anyone.

As soon as the door had shut behind Remus, James and Peter, Sirius broke down. He was gasping for air and the tears that had started to sting behind his eyes now fell freely. His knees hit the floor with a hard thud as he wept. How could they have hurt him this much, damaged him this much to the point where he couldn’t even have a good time with his friends without being reminded of their cruelty.

Arms, strong and familiar, wrapped themselves around Sirius’ torso and he clung onto them tightly as he was pulled back into Remus’ chest. Remus, his savior for the umpteenth time, who was there to hold this same way the night after he had run away to James’ house.

“It’s okay, Pads.” Remus murmured. “Just let it out. We’ll be here.”

“Yeah.” Said James, coming to wrap his own arms around Sirius, quickly followed by Peter. “We’ve got you, Padfoot.”

And his three friends held him till he soundly fell asleep.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the truth comes out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did a continuation of this story because of an idea someone gave me on tumblr! hope you enjoy it here!   
> tw: child abuse

“So, are we going to talk about last night?”

James and Remus had woken up early the next day, neither of them having really got any sleep, and had decided to take a walk around the grounds before breakfast started. It was a nice day with a cool breeze blowing and the sunlight peeking out from behind the clouds offering a nice warmth. It would have been quite enjoyable had the two boys not had more pressing matters on their mind.

“Talk about what, James?” Remus asked, though he knew the answer before James voiced it. Remus had spent most of last night thinking about it as he watched the steady rise and fall of Sirius’ chest, wondering what on earth _happened_ to him in that wretched house. The details of it all had been kept away from James, Remus and Peter and instead locked away inside of Sirius’ mind where they could fester.

“That question shook him pretty bad, Moony.” James said, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

“Yeah. It did.” Remus did not want to think about what sort of curses the Blacks could have come up with, let alone perform on their own child. The physical and psychological abuse had been bad enough, what more could they have wanted to accomplish?

The rest of their walk was spent in silence, neither boy really knowing what to suggest on the subject, and soon found themselves wandering back to the castle just in time for breakfast. As they entered the Great Hall, they noticed that Peter had successfully coaxed Sirius out of bed, and the two of them were sat side-by-side on a bench at the Gryffindor table. Sirius was poking at his food rather than eating it and Peter was talking in a low voice beside him.

“You’ll want to eat something, Padfoot.” Remus heard Peter plead as he and James took the seats opposite of them. Sirius didn’t respond. “Well…I’ll pack away some biscuits for you, just in case you get hungry during lessons.”

The mood surrounding their table was apparently subdued for the rest of that morning, so much so that Lily kept glancing down their way with a shadow of concern gracing her features. When she caught Remus’ eye and mouthed ‘ _you okay,_ ’ Remus just shrugged.

Their first lesson of the day was defense against the dark arts, a class that could usually be counted on to rile the four boys up. James seemed to brighten up a bit as Lily joined them in walking toward the classroom, their behavior towards one another having taken quite the turn this last year. Sirius was quiet and lagged behind the group, as if he were deliberately trying to distance himself. They took their seats as they entered the classroom and Remus was surprised to see Sirius shove his way next to some Hufflepuff girl instead of residing in his usual space next to James. James seemed a bit shocked as well and settled himself next to Peter with a frown on his face. Remus went with Lily to the other side of the classroom, but not so far away that he couldn’t keep his eye on Sirius.

“Good morning, class.” Professor Agular greeted them. “Today, we will be identifying the Unforgivable curses and explaining why they are unforgivable. If you would please take out your quill and parchment, we will get started—yes, Mister Black?”

Remus looked up from where he had bent over to rummage through his bag to see Sirius’ hand sticking straight in the air.

“May I be excused, Professor?” There was a slight tremor in his voice.

Professor Agular raised an eyebrow. Sirius was one of the best students in DADA class and rarely missed lessons. In fact, the only time he had been absent was after he had been hit with a bludger during Quidditch practice and had to stay in the hospital wing in order to regrow his collarbone.

“Are you ill, Mister Black?”

“Well, no, I just—”

“Then I insist you stay for the lesson as it will be coming up on your NEWT examinations.”

Sirius nodded once and Remus noticed how his jaw clenched slightly as he stared down at his desk. Professor Agular was unbothered and began writing on the chalkboard. With Agular’s back turned, Remus looked around to get James’ attention but the other boy was already looking at him with an odd expression on his face.

“Who can name one of the Unforgivable curses?” Professor Agular spoke aloud, surveying the class.

“The imperious curse, sir. It gives one wizard the ability to control another. Like mind control.”

“Very good, Lottie. Five points to Hufflepuff.” He wrote the curse down on the chalkboard. “Anyone else?”

“The killing curse?”

“Yes, the killing curse, also known as the _Avada Kedavra_ curse. It kills its victim instantly, no witch or wizard has ever survived the killing curse, which is what makes it unforgivable.” He wrote this on the board as well. “One more. Does anybody have a clue?”

No one said anything. Remus looked around the classroom to see some students looking up at Professor Agular expectantly while others flipped through their textbook, trying to find an answer. Remus noticed that Sirius had become more interested in the floor pattern than the lesson and it seemed that Professor Agular noticed, too.

“How about you, Mister Black? Or is this lesson boring you?”

A few snickers erupted around the classroom but Sirius’ face remained stony and even a little tense. He was very pale and Remus wondered for a moment if he actually was ill.

“The…the cruciatus curse.” Sirius mumbled.

“And its effects?”

“Torture. But its more than that. It’s the worst possible pain a person could feel. As if every nerve ending is on fire and your eyes are watering and your mouth is wide open but no noise is able to come out. And even after the curse is lifted, you’re left shuddering for days and feeling residual shocks of pain. But that’s not the worst part, no, the worst part is how it can drive you mad. How you can feel yourself slowly slipping away from your mind. Its unbearable. People will beg for death if put under it for extended periods of time.” Sirius spoke in a rush, an almost disconnected tone in his voice. The class was staring up at him in horror and Professor Agular seemed shocked at this response. “At least, that’s what they say.” Sirius mumbled as an afterthought.

“Yes…” Professor Agular said. “Yes, uh, very good, Sirius. Ten points to Gryffindor.”

But before Professor Agular had gotten the full sentence out, Sirius had stood and raced out of the classroom. Remus stared after him and chanced a look at James who was already rising out of his seat. Remus didn’t hesitate a second before he was following after Sirius with James at his heels, even as Professor Agular hollered for them to get back to their seats.

The sick feeling in Remus’ gut was growing stronger and stronger as realization dawned on him. The cruciatus curse. That had to be what they had done to him, what had caused Sirius to become the shell of person he was. Remus was enraged and he could feel the wolf inside of him begging to be released and Remus had half a mind to find Orion and Walburga and let the wolf at them.

He and James reached the dormitory quickly, as was met with the sight of Sirius curled up in a fetal position and tugging at his hair as tears streamed down his face. That was all it took to confirm their fears.

“Padfoot,” James said, helplessly, getting to his knees and pulling Sirius into his arms. “Padfoot, why didn’t you tell us?”

“I couldn’t.” Sirius wailed, grappling at himself madly. “I couldn’t tell _anyone_.”

Remus watched a bit helplessly as James held Sirius, feeling like the worst boyfriend in the world. He should have _noticed_. He should have been more there for Sirius, should have helped him more instead of just not talking about the nightmares or the shivering or the damn flinching away Sirius was prone to these days. He should have noticed.

“Sirius,” James spoke again, “You can always tell us. We are your family; we can help you. You don’t have to be afraid or ashamed. We’ve got you.”

“You have other things you have to worry about,” Sirius replied softly, though he looked right at Remus when he spoke and Remus knew what he was referring to. It had been one of their bigger argument’s throughput their relationship; that Sirius’ problems were nothing, that they didn’t matter compared to that of Remus’ transformations and everything that comes with it.

“Pads, you know that’s not right.” Remus said, finally sinking to the floor and reaching out to cup Sirius’ face. “We do not compare sufferings, okay? There is no hierarchy of pain and if you need help or support or _love,_ that is what we are here for. It’s what I’m here for.” He said the last part a bit softer and watched as Sirius’ eyes shined with new tears. Tears of gratitude. Remus smiled at him and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

“We will work through this together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!   
> comments and kudos are always appreciated.   
> come chat with me on tumblr @xomarauders

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!   
> comments and kudos are always appreciated   
> come chat with me on tumblr @xomarauders


End file.
